Just a few lines..

Just a few lines..

If u ever took the time to know me without reservation or preconceived notions, u'd find me to b an exquisite ill fitting anomoly, personable, but ill non the less. Y so? Since birth, i've worn chaos, bore confussion, supped with misery and frequently lay with woe. At first i didn't have a choice but as age ushered n knowledge, i honestly never knew the choice was mine and yet i refused to accept me as a loser.. I pushed harder, rode longer, bore more pain than many of my counter parts who n their simplicity, had the one thing i longed for: family.. C, they had a support system, even if only two or three while me on the other hand was negated to a mother who ousted herself from her ppl, siblings who were more my children than my brother and sister and a bloodline who ex-communicated me as if that was the most painful thing imaginable and for many moons it was. I wondered through this earth searching through every nook and cranny, leaving no stone unturned n pursuit of my happiness and only came up with a few morsels that would lead to the breakdown of the century.. I turned to ppl n order to feel validated. I turned to sex cause if it felt that good, maybe my worth would b reflected through consistent appreciation. I turned to weed because it revealed a side of me that had been caged n all of my life and to add unto that revealation came a window of opportunity for darkness to wage war against my immortal.. Then i turned to riotous living as i became a 21st century gypsy n the way of my ppl who were found wondering n the wilderness and were as nothing. As my beloved elders, i too was located.. U c, ill fitting becomes me because i never did quite fit the mold and if only u could c me u'd know i'm too damn big.. I am anomoly because i'm quite peculiar and am not here to b understood more than my need for love and acceptance as i am and so i receive u as u r.. Will u join a megar ole outcast as myself? I hope u will.. Lets get on with discovering this exceptional discover..

Long Story Short

They often stare and ponder me as if im some ill fitting anomoly.. I used to wonder about their reactions if they knew of my struggles: the snatching away of my innocense; the rejection from my bloodline; the lack of guidance from he who should've been there to hold my hand; the stronghold of that fuckin narcotic which altered my only source of provision; the abuse spiritually, physically, mentally, emotionally; the absorbing of vapor through my cloth... i wondered if they would begin to understand or at least attempt, but alas, they gave not two shits.. they sought to destroy me, slander my name and they even robbed me of my livlihood.. and on top of that came forth the very forces that drove said people.. this darkness bogarded it's self nto my outer, inner most and sought to slay that special part of me and it drove me to the edge of lunacy. I grappled for many years with the immense pressures weighed down upon me night after night and no one ever knew due to my disarming smile, but that never stopped the pain i felt.. fast forward to today, i no longer give a damn what one may c because i recognize what i exude and that will have to be enough.. wonder no more young one..

The Flesh

The flesh is not as complicated as man would like to belive. N fact, its the most basic as mysteries go: it wants what it wants when it wants it and needs nothing more than a mere prick of the pin to enrage its gorging appetite. Men nvest fathomless amounts of wealth nto the comprehension of mankind when understanding is very simple: God or our version of he.. What r u battling with? Locate the source of ur desire or the gateway initiation and u will locate ur key. Now im not at all implying concise simplicity but i can assure u its much easier then remaining within ur current situation, that is if u desire change.. The end? Not hardly..

Return to Egypt?


I refuse to go back to Egypt. I refuse because the pain there was immense and the shame of humiliation was even worse; suffering from rejection by those n authority, we took on their characteristics and assumed those roles n our own lives. We hated each other, berated each other, despised the presence of each other and learned nothing more than how to complain about it all. Today we remain as we once were without ne apparant hope of ever going forward and n fact, when faced with the challenge of a new day, we, according to our first mind, begin turning around, even if we appear to b moving forward. Can we really c y nothing ever changes? Its because we have not changed but rather sculpted everything nto a nice little box of sorts, having removed every uncomfortable element and we just stay there. Its very sad and even hurtful yet it remains our truth.. I, for one, have to decide to enter nto that L.O.N.S. status n pursuit of mine. If im to b outside the box then my mind must accompany me. Im going to explore and learn and silence all the excessive vocal exercise, however, when i return, i will have an amazing story for u..


Signing off...

980 Belle Meade

980 Belle Meade

And what was it, two, count emm, two limited access gates to an exclusive island belle in which i resided within a space of 3500 sq ft of dead air.. within its nterior existed every possible thing considered treasurable to the world and yet as i sat amongst that compilation of stuff, i felt as devoid of life as the luxurious buddha that often accompanied me to dinner enclased within those rooms of glass that daily magnified the sun but not that house.. around this grand, two storied structure thrived the lushest of greenery nterspersed with native wildlife and it was n their domain that i felt most human; most alive... within that mini of sorts flowed a very cold, ancient, dry darkness of whos name i never knew yet lived side by side with for many years. The invisible discords of this ancient one often assailed me: pressing down upon me; whispering n my ear of ears; trailing me through its domain n an never ending ploy of pursuit; visiting me n the inner realms of my thoughts.. this humanistic catacomb strived to suck the very essence out of me through pursuasions of 6 figures which lead to 7 and all i had to do was provide special services n the order of the mistress; and i complied for a while until the lack of light within this demure environment drove me to the point of exile.. i left this building many years ago only to find myself trailed by this age old void as it attempts to finish me but what is different is that i no longer have to b concerned with my rear.. I move forward leaving it and its slowly fading pleas of compromise n the sea of no more.. I move forward towards a gate of life and that more abundantly and i know that within those mansions, i am home..

Questions

Im no longer misery nor am i anger: whom have i become? Im no longer lost out n this endless maze: where am i? I no longer grieve over the choices and decisions of those pointing fingers at my weakness: y have i? I no longer pose questions to u for lack of consistent clarity: y should i? Nay, i simply write to live that i may live to write and i become me, supersized..

And I wonder will we ever see the era of our ways. I ponder our journeys and realize that apparently, we've learned nothing more than how to assimilate with the times. I realize that we have not at all progressed nor can we until we reach a place of commonality. We scream and cry out for justice, freedom and equality which leads me to believe that many actually believe that it still exists within the hands of white america. Accept that u will never b accepted by those whom u desire, intensely, to please through your hard work and diligent consistency. Accept that you are the odd ball out and that you don't quite belong; alien. Accept that the stride n ur gait coupled with the strength of your stare has long ago been declared to be genetically inferior and by relatively, recently, reformed savages; no less.. Accept that you are different on purpose and that hip hop currently does not represent that. You c, until u decide to step out of the shadow of others, u will never truly understand y u shine.. Thats y they c u.. When will u cease imitating imitators of imitators of originators of whom u reverence for their chariots dem? And yes, even they r forgiven n order to b restored. U c, the history has always been before u, u just allowed a few to impress upon u thiers: the foreigners who descended from said savagery who went onto possess the promised lands; the heathen who then followed closely on foot who then became the biggest organized crime family to date; and then the spawn of savages whose head interviewed multiple sources before establishing his own sect. U c, no one wants the truth ne more and it is, has been and will always be offensive to the ignorant because they really don't know, and how can they when they've been blinded by traditional tales of woe? At what time will we finally step back as a people and look up to the one and only who can heal and restore being that he is the one who not only forewarned us of the era of our ways but then allowed it to happen? When will we realize that we're living out the 28? Wake up my people! The boat is waiting but wont be here forever..